Casino Man

I just love those warm summer days when I can lay back on my sofa. In total relaxation, I can sink into the cushions and dream while the lingering heat warms my bones. You know, one of those days when only nature is busy doin' somethin.'

I was looking up at the cracked stucco on my ceiling like it was one of Michelangelo's finest, when I noticed some of the paint strokes moving. A familiar spider was up there having lunch. Tactile, gentle, quiet with no reservations. It was always the catch of the day at that restaurant. Huh, nature's incredible.

A warm Atlantic breeze tossed the drapes through my living room window. They reminded me of a woman's skirt, ruffling and rustling while she was making a fuss about somethin.' The noises of hard-soled shoes waft up from the street below breaking the soft silence of the afternoon. Usually, I was too lazy to get up to see who it was. This time for whatever reason, I mustered some superhuman reserve of strength and leaned up to the windowsill to see a woman standing on the other side of the street.

She was very attractive, but it was her relaxed, nonchalant manner that captured my attention. A good upbringing must have given her such confidence and faith that all would be taken of. Somebody must be watching over her. She sat down on the bench and waited patiently. What a serene vision to brighten my afternoon. Something would have to spoil it because that's the way it was for me.

Sure enough, a thumping, reverberating sound came in shock waves from somewhere and kept getting louder. It must have been some kind of sonar device because the expensive foreign car it came from stopped right in front of her. The booming waves rippled the thin sheet metal that wrapped the car like plastic clingy wrap. Where was this guy when I had kidney stones? Just lean on the fender and you're stone free.

The thumping mechanical vibes were of course, graced with angry voices slurring anti-social messages. Definitely not in keeping with her philosophy because when the driver spoke to her, she just cast her eyes in another direction. His voice was loud and abusive and after blowing off some steam, he left a blue cloud of burnt rubber for her to remember him by. She got up and walked down the street away from his keepsake.

Embarrassed, she cast her eyes around looking for shaming onlookers, but there wasn't anyone around. In seeming desperation, she looked up towards my window, but I ducked.

The biker who lived up on the next corner must have seen vultures circling above because he decided to get on his hog and join the parade. I'd seen him many times and always snickered at the greasy hair and ragged denim vest. Always pretending he had somethin' goin' on.

Something in her purse needed attention and she seemed to miss this courting gem rolling by. He sped off on his 'tuned mayhem' after discovering the obvious. The mechanical thunder could be heard for miles. I can't imagine which drug or form of psychosis gave this guy the idea he had a shot with her.

Even worse, another car pulled up. A beat up old Ford. A sad, guilty looking front end sagged abnormally low. Probably from bearing the heavy weight of its owner's dashed dreams. Its exhaust manifold produced almost as much noise and smoke as the last two combined. The motor shook the grayish panes of glass that held my window frames upright. My favorite clay totem pole fell right off a narrow shelf and exploded on the floor. Even spidey couldn't stand it and sought refuge.

She strode over and into the noisy bucket of bolts and off they went.

I hate noise. I don't care where it comes from, I just hate it. But then, I'm crazy. Cause I was going to the Casino tonight. Can't figure it out? That's your problem. My problem was that I had to look good so I made sure there were no stains on my best shirt. Well, there wasn't many anyway. I gotta stop eatin' pizza lyin' down.

Our local Casino, The Sands of Iwo Jima seemed a great place to meet women and a super place to get lung cancer. I had my comps card, you know, the card that keeps giving nothin'. Kamikaze Dreams is my favorite slot machine and it's as loose as some of the women in here. 3 battleships on bet max will give me the progressive. I hit on 3 nuclear clouds and the credits are just makin' a racket, the kind of noise I don't mind. People are even looking at me, including a familiar young woman.

She disappeared behind a group of tourists with big hair. For once, this bloody machine is paying out and I can't wait till it finishes. I cashed out quickly and stacked up my plastic cups of dollar coins.

Of course, there had to be a lineup of people waiting to cash their winnings in. Despite the smiling faces behind the bunker windows, their motto at the Sands was 'no pain no gain' Accordingly, the coins were made from recycled lead. Some old guy was next in line to the window before he collapsed. I swear, the paramedics were slippin some of the slugs into their pockets when they flipped him onto the stretcher.

I waited patiently while some primitive part of my brain screamed at my legs to go for a walkabout. Finally, I cashed in and with my winnings in hand, I could search for my dream girl. I passed the nickel slots where heavy, middle aged women sat watching fruity symbols spin. One almost broke out into a smile as five twinkies lined up diagonally. They'd have to get a new cushion on that stool before she'd run out of credits.

I found her. Thank you God, you are too kind. She was playing the 5 dollar progressive slots. Another guy was sitting two seats away looking over at her too. The jackpot turned above. It was a brand new Jaguar. I sat down beside her slowly, took out a twenty, trying to smooth out the wrinkles. I did the best I could and put it in the money slot and prayed it didn't gag like last time.

She acknowledged my presence with a smile. There was little pretentiousness as she played her game and won a little. Ding, ding, ding and she was happy to win. No inhibition and lots of freely expressed emotion right there for all to see. Such a natural beauty, I stared hypnotically, till the guy to the right of me started coughin' and hackin' like he was dyin'. Somethin' wanted to get out of him bad, I'm tellin ya. The guy actually hit three bars on the middle payline and wins. He collected his fortune and then staggered off down the aisle looking for another machine that would accept him. There was even a trail of caked mud falling off of his shoes. You'd never see that in a Vegas movie.

I returned to the beautiful side of life.
"You seem to be doing alright tonight" I blurted out almost choking on the last syllable like that dead man walking guy.
"Well, this is the first time I've won at these slot machines. Usually it takes my money quickly. But when it pays, that's when it's all worth it" she said.
"Ya, you have to pay your dues here before you hit big" I responded while looking over my shoulder somewhere.
She looked at me intently and asked "Do you come here often?"
"No not really" I lied. "There's just something about taking a chance and trying for the big win once in a while. "
She noticed the slight stains on my shirt and returned to face her machine again. "I'd like to win a car." She said it as though I might not be the answer to her dreams.

You know, you shouldn't read a book by its cover, but that's as far I got. So I showed her I had a little savior faire ala 007. "Oh, it's a Jaguar X9A, an elegant piece of machinery, 74 valves, 5 on the floor, the latest electronic fuel injection, but really they're all the same. They get you from A to B."
"Well, I'd like to get from A to B without the bus." she responded.
Right away I saw dark shadows pursuing her as she got out of the dirty city bus. Alone she faced a dangerous night walk amongst drug dealers and rapists. The bus driver looking back as though she'd never be seen again. I felt a wave of sympathy coming over me.

"Maybe you'll win it tonight"
She laughed, "That would be wonderful, but I know how likely that is."
"Hey, I just won a bundle a little while ago"
She lit up. "Really! How much?"
"Oh, about 700 bucks" I said loud enough to interrupt play on the aisle.
"Oh, my God, you're so lucky." She glowed. "How would you like to play some table games?"
I stared at her beautiful eyes for a cursory millisecond and said, "Yes." Which games do you like?"
She thought for a moment, "I like roulette. It seems so sophisticated and you get to choose your lucky numbers"
"Ya, you choose your fate." I said. You can see I'm not too good with words.

The table was surrounded by people who looked like they had some cash to spare and I felt out of place. There was no sense though that she was a stranger to the group. They parted, making room for her to buy her chips and place them. Her straight, clean, shining hair was beautiful in the florescent light. Maybe that's why she was visible from the others around here.

I bought 500 dollars in chips and laid 300 on the 1st dozen. I worried she might think I was cheap, putting a piddling 300 on the line. The ball spun forever and she smiled at my sensible bet. It hopped and bobbled and then bopped and hobbled and kept going abnormally long as if to give everyone second thoughts about their bets. Everyone fidgeted until that wicked ball finally rested on the seven. I won. 2 to 1 payout! Incredible, I'm actually having good luck. The waitress gave me another beer.

She asked me what my name was.
I tilted my head and said with a sly smile, "Burns. Jerry Burns."
She coughed and with her own wry smile said, "Well, Mr. Burns my name is, Fluenza, Anita Fluenza"
I was visibly disappointed. My dream girl sounded like some disease. Now I understand the cough.
"I'm so glad to meet someone like you here Anita. You know I really need to go to the washroom. Could you play my chips for me?" I begged.
"Oh…. Ah, yes of course. Any favorite numbers?"
"No, not really, you make the decision and I'll just live with it. Go ahead, I trust you." I said.
"Okay, don't be long" she said to the roulette guy.

The washrooms were on the other side of the casino so I walked quickly. I had to go so bad and I wasn't sure if I could make it. I was sweating buckets and starting to walk kind of funny, in a little bit of a hunch. An old lady in a wheel chair thought I was disabled and motioned with her one good arm for her nurse to give me assistance. The nurse was preoccupied with the old lady's oxygen bottle though and didn't give me any notice.

Man, if I keep sweatin' like this I won't have to go by the time I get there. One of the security guards stopped talking to his friend and turned his head toward me. With eyes cast downward yet scanning the immediate floor ahead, he follows me. This guy must be new to security work. He might as well hang a sign on his back, Student Detective. Stay Back 50 feet."

I reached the washrooms, which were adorned with pictures of soldiers lying on a sandy beach facing barbed wire barriers. There was blue sky above like a post card and the fancy lettering at the bottom of one poster that said 'Relax, Enjoy the Sands.'
Another poster pictured a Japanese pilot looking through small, squarish glasses with a determined look on his face. The sign above the urinal said 'you have just proven modern advertising works.'

I thought about that Kamikaze guy. "Ya, that's right, you just have to be determined. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead." I said "YA…. YA! Full speed ahead." Some guy showed up at the next urinal and looked at me kind of weird. He said "Ya, Baby."

I just washed my hands and walked out. "FREAK." I flung back.

I don't know why, but I was feeling some doubts as to whether I was good enough for this woman. Maybe she wasn't from a well to do background, but she was elegant, natural and without vices and here I was stalking her like some TV psycho. Maybe I should tell her I saw her outside my place. Confessions clean the soul don't they?

I arrived back at the roulette table, but Anita was not there. I asked the other players where she'd gone. They said she'd left with a young man. She didn't leave my chips, She Just TOOK OFF!!

I walked fast to try and catch them. The cool refreshing night air met me and I inhaled gratefully. It was quiet outside, aside from the distant rush of highway traffic. A few faceless people sat on benches waiting eternally for a ride that would never come.

I wound my way through the parked cars looking above them for a site of her. Only the cold dark night was visible. Then a distant growing roar of a wreck of a car and I knew who that was. I started running and almost caught the car speeding out of the gate. I could hear her laughing, brushing her long hair back. I think she even saw me.

Unbelievable! She just took my money and ran off with that guy. I ran back through the endless zigzagged cars and finally found mine. I jumped in and set about righting the wrong. I could see them off in the distance following a country road out of town, probably heading to the local private airport where they'd chartered a small aircraft to Mexico. It was pitch black, but I could see the red taillights every now and then over the hills. The dust was making it tough to see anything, but I knew this road anyway.

All of a sudden something passed by me like I'm standing still. The dust was too much and I couldn't even see 20 feet ahead. I slowed, and in a few moments could see clear. Whoever and whatever it was, he was closing in on Anita and her friend fast. I kept driving in the dark and occasionally there were a few lights in the distance to give me direction, but I don't think I was gaining on them at all. Anita and her partner were definitely doin' a two-step.

I came to a point in this road near McKenzie Creek where you had to go south or west. I got out and looked at the dirt road to see if I could figure out by the tread marks which route they took. Ya, like I'm an Indian tracker huntin' buffalo. I just guessed and took the western route. That's probably how the Indians got out there.

Bright night stars were all there was to be seen and the cool night chill was all you could feel. With a hope and a prayer I headed west to seek my $1300 fortune.

There were lights ahead and as I drew closer I could see fire. The outline of a car sitting upside down in the ditch was now visible. I stopped and looked around and got out to check to see if anyone was in the car. No one was there. The gas tank exploded and the roar of the blast whipped over my head, singed my hair and knocked me to the ground. Now my shirt was really dirty. Damn!

Another car was just ahead. It looked like the Porsche I saw outside my window this afternoon. There was no one around. Continuing down the road in my car I stopped by a dirt driveway protected by a gate. Some lights blinked between some swaying branches of trees about 300 feet away. Following the dirt trail to a house or something, I could hear sounds inside. "Mine, not yours" a man yelled.

Out of the distance a helicopter came in quickly to land in a clearing and several men jumped out with semi-automatic weapons. It rose again to light the area up with floodlights I didn't have time for disbelief, I had to move fast. I dove into a culvert next to some shack on the property.

The three came out of the house with their own semi-automatic weapons blazing. They fired at the helicopter and it listed and crashed into the ground bursting into flames. Some heavy set man with scraggly hair rushed out of the cabin like he was Rambo or somethin', only to get showered by a hail of bullets. The shadows kept firing at each other until there was no noise. The fire from the burning helicopter lit an eerie scene of unearthly quiet. The kind of quiet I don't like.

The commando training I'd received on TV told me to stay low and crawl to safety. I ran through the bush and found my car. I was so glad it started and I just stomped on the gas pedal. A hail of bullets hit the glass and the trees around me, but I just kept going out and down the road.

Before long, there were two car lights behind me coming up fast. I couldn't out run them, so I turned my lights off and drove off the road onto a field. The terrain was really rough and shook the car violently. There was some sort of ravine ahead, so I just gunned it hoping the lip of the turf would give me enough lift to get over. The seatbelt cut into me and I gasped for air. I must have hit the other side of the ravine. Water running under the car.

Even without wind, I had to get out and get moving because whoever was after me would still be there. Running erratically, I tripped over a rock and fell. A flashlight blinded my eyes and a voice spoke from behind it.

"Give me the money and I will let you live." He had a gun pointed right at me.
"Hey look, I don't have any money. I was just following that woman who took off with the money I won at the Casino." I was shaking.
"What… ah, so you knew Anita. She was a wonderful lover, but she didn't know when to stop." His voice was foreign. Anita was gone.
"No, I didn't know her, honest. I just met her at the casino."
He laughed, "Ah yes, well, that is as long as it takes with Anita. She must have given you the money knowing you were a sucker."
"She didn't give me anything. I followed them out here to get my winnings back that she stole."
"Of course. Perhaps you could come back to your car and we'll take a look. Anita is very resourceful."
We walked back to my car half deep in the stream.
"Open the trunk." I took the keys out of the ignition and went and opened the trunk. There was a bag in there that I'd never seen. It felt like bundles of cash and weighed about 25 pounds.
"Give me that," He said.
I threw the bag at him and ran. He fell back into the stream. A shot whizzed past my ear and another burned my leg. A small forest wasn't far away and although he shone the light on me, his shot still hit some of the trees in the way.

Running was not my thing even with a good leg and my lungs were heaving. He'd likely catch me in a short time. I was gonna die out here at the hands of some greedy underworld character. He was getting closer so I laid low. The light from the flashlight hit me and a shot rang out loud. There was no pain, no sensation. Was I already dead?

The light dropped to the ground. He was dead.

"Come back here Jerry." A familiar voice yelled at me. "Come back, I don't want to hurt you."
I got up and walked back toward her. It was Anita. "What is going on?"
"You don't need to know. We have to get your car out of the ravine before the police find it."
"What about all those other people back there?" I said.
"They're all dead." She said with finality standing still. "Kind of funny how it's just you and me left. But you know, when I put the money in your car, I knew that I'd see you again." Now she was startin' to get scary.
"What money, you mean my 1300 bucks? How many guys like me did you rip off?" I asked with genuine intrigue.
She laughed hysterically, "Not many Jerry cause I'd be a busy woman to get this much." She held the trophy bag high and shone the light on it. She looked like a statue of liberty holding the American dream in her outstretched hand.

Another shot rang out and ripped through her chest. She looked at me wondering where my gun was, but it wasn't me. She dropped face first into the ground with a thud. Whoever it was, he was running. I grabbed the gun and dropped down behind a small mound. A man ran up, picked up the bag. He shone his flashlight toward me. "YOU!" he screamed.

I just pulled the trigger. His body sagged to the ground like an old Ford.

Spidey was eating again. I saw him having his gourmet feast above the headlines of the paper. The title read 'Local man solves crime ring.' I laid back and thought about how incredible it all was. I bought a new car with the reward.

A gentle Atlantic breeze blew the curtains on the window. The sound of footsteps wafted up from the street. Normally I was too lazy to get up and see who it was and this time was no exception.

by Gord Collins

Used by Permission.** Copyright© 2001 by Gord Collins