Top Tips for New Casino Players

• Never wink at the dealer especially if he's the same sex.
• Don't bring your silver dollar yo-yo near the slot machines.
• Don't drink and gamble at the same time. Put the drink down first.
• Know when it's time to go home - when you've won too much.
• Don't call for a ball measurement after losing a roulette spin.
• Don't stack your slots coin tubs on top of the machine just to show off.
• Don't flip chips capriciously onto the poker table from 5 feet away and say "let it ride."
• Don't try to psyche out the blackjack dealer by staring at him for 5 minutes.
• Don't stand up and cheer on your horse at the Sega horse racing game.
• Don't ask if they oil the blue dog at the Sega horse racing game.
• Don't chew big ice cubes at the craps table.
• Don't ask the croupier if you can use your lucky dice.
• Don't ask the Roulette guy if the French wheel was imported.
• Don't ask the guy next to you if he can break a five.
• Don't ask security where the pinball machines are.
• Don't ask the cashier for change for the condom machine.
• Don't say Episcopalian when the cashier asks you which denomination you prefer.
• Don't put your dinner plate on the roulette table.
• Don't pull out your Hoyle's rule book when the BJ dealer says you can't split an 8th time.
• Don't tip the security guard.
• Don't ask the dealer about the odds on strip poker.
• Don't pretend you're an IRS agent and talk into your cell phone.
• Don't bother counting cards with your fingers.
• When the dealer decides to stand, don't say "I'm callin' ya' yella' mister."
• Don't ask the BJ dealer if he knows any good card tricks.
• Don't stuff your pockets with big magnets and then play roulette.
• Don't use a Jamaican accent while playing Caribbean poker.
• Don't complain to the pitboss about the dealer's poker face.
• Don't ask where the play for fun games are.
• Don't butt into a private multiplayer poker tournament game saying "mind if I join in."
• If you lose at Blackjack, don't say to the dealer, "okay, okay, double or nothing.